To be, or not to be, That is the question…

Why do we exist? Isn’t it easier to not exist at all? If we exist, shouldn’t there be a reason for that?

In every funeral after the last prayers are told I find myself and the ones around me questioning life. Usually as the funeral mass we keep telling each other how meaningless life is and all of our problems are so futile. But as soon as we leave the funeral setting these thoughts leave our mind in a whim. Yet even for a split second we happen to question life and its purpose. 

We want to think that we are special, that we are created for a reason and if possible even for a mission. And if we are alive for a reason and our existence has a special cause, at the same time we think that we should not disappear and that we should exist forever. We seek and question god… We look for him in extraordinary things, angels, daemons, the devil, the light, in energy, in nature. We imagine him as perfect. And yet for some reason we think of ourselves as privileged and that he will hear us, our prayers, and will perform a miracle. In fact we want miracles to happen and we like action, we don’t like routines.

But since God is perfect isn’t everything already flawless hence without in need of a miracle to occur? I mean, when I drop the pen it falls to the ground. If I pray hard enough,will the pen, the cell phone, the apple, remain airborn? But isn’t the miracle itself just simply the fact that in each and every time without exception the pen, the cell phone, the apple all fall on the ground with no mistake? Isn’t this perfection a miracle itself? Though I have to admit one can think of no miracle whatsoever when one drops the cell phone…

TIn my opinion no extraordinary event should occur. And none does anyway. But no one asked me or you anyway.

Upon my word, they will shout at you, it is no use protesting: it is a case of twice two makes four! Nature does not ask your permission, she has nothing to do with your wishes, and whether you like her laws or dislike them, you are bound to accept her as she is, and consequently all her conclusions..”

Fyodor Dostoyevski – Notes from Underground

If the definition of God stands for perfection then no miracles must occur. The definition of miracle, in fact, is that no events may occur out of the ordinary. The notion that the chain of events works impeccably in every circumstance without exception should be the miracle. If no miracles are happening, per se, we are living in the perfect world. Everything must be experienced in flawless and abiding by the rules. Real life is already perfect. It is in a perfect system and balance. I don’t mean “perfectly beautiful” when I say that. What I mean by perfection is the fact that we are in a setting that works according to rules without exception each and every time. If I drop the pen it will fall down—be it 300 times, be it 1,300,000 times—it will still fall on the ground.

It strikes me a little bit imperfect to believe that the divine creator has built the entire universe for us homo sapiens who will not even meet up to a piece of dust, that he will listen to our whining personally one by one, will take care of our egos, our pains, just like a customer service operator. This expectation remains a little shallow and it seems to me like belittleing the omnipotence of our divine creator that we name as “God”. The engineer of our universe shouldn’t be going by this principle, if you ask me. After all we live in a workd where it is best to get the most work done with the least amount of effort leading to the most efficient ones being the ones to survive. Given the great size of our universe I believe that dealing with our tiny problems one by one would not suit the greatness of God Almighty. He who is perfect shall have figured out a mechanism to deal with our ego, our suffering, our demands. Just like Newton’s laws, like gravity. Why would that mechanism be any different than that when it comes to our prayers and exclamations?

I believe that we are creating not just today but our entire future while imagining our future with the help of millions of years of evolutionary experiences of our ancestors according to a law of nature just like that of gravitation, and I am looking for the mechanics that may explain this phenomenon.

The mechanics of life that I am discussing here cannot be one which sometimes works but sometimes does not, cannot be spiritual, and cannot allow exceptions. It is perfect, flawless, like gravity, and therefore must be miraculous. God or nature cannot process through leisurely or privileged situations. It cannot—it must not. I am looking for this setup.

The unbearable mechanics of lightness…

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